Restfulness is not underrated. During night two of our new routine, Cal cried a lot less and got himself back to sleep quicker – I could not believe it, around 15 to 20 minutes instead of the 45 minutes or more the first night (I was almost ready to throw in the towel after four of those episodes in night one). I could see him dealing with the problem and casting about for ways to soothe – he sucks on his blanket and pulls its soft edges against his face; he babbles to himself and turns to his side or to his back. After his morning feed today, I left him in his crib to get ready for work and he went right back to sleep, amazing.
I know that big changes can be hard fought and slow to catch on, and that first steps forward many times don’t mean squat, but my psyche revels in the progress of night two. I needed the confirmation that something would give. I take solace in the fact that Cal is not alone in the process, we sit by him, I shhh, talk to him and I trace circles over his soft blankets on his belly. I’m proud of him. And oh it twists my insides to watch him struggle with getting to sleep, but I am also proud of myself for setting limits and guarding our sleep time – mine, Cal’s, Shaun’s.
It feels like one of my first big tests of parenthood in doing something I don’t want to do but that I know is best. It pains me to watch people struggle, especially my small, innocent and bright-eyed wonder boy who depends on me to guard him, and to guide him through most everything right now.
I’d rather struggle than watch; that rings so true because if I was him at least the pit of my stomach wouldn't ache. But sometimes it is not about me. Struggling can be rewarding for the struggler when the obstacle can and is overcome; Cal is capable of this feat. That is one of my great lessons as a parent.
... I'm taking a break from sleep posts; being awake and with Cal tumps really any nighttime development. Next week, I'll tackle Tomales and try to capture Cal a little in words.
Food Matters!
7 years ago
