My little shining star sits now. And, when he’s lying down, he pulls his head up like he’s doing a miniature sit up. I try to tell him that it’s just easier to keep his head down because he’ll probably have to do those pesky sit ups later on, but he has this drive in his eye and he does them anyway. He’s so darn curious about the world that he won’t just lay there complacent. Nor will he sit pretty on my hip as I hold him. He grabs everything. But sometimes he’s surprisingly gentle when he gets something in his had, and he’ll just barely grace something like a lady’s long hairs or someone’s mouth with his fingers, touching it like his index finger is a feather.
Life is funny. Last night we found out that we may have to get rid of our nanny. She didn’t do anything egregious, she just overstepped the line by a small bit – but the outcome is the same no matter how far you cross the line. You might think that this is the worst thing that could happen. And it was for a second. But sometimes something better comes into sight through the clouds. Maybe my sister will watch him or maybe someone else who will work out better over the long run. The answer is out there some where.
Just a second ago I was sitting in the pumping room and balling my eyes out, reading Anne Lamott and wishing that I could just stay at home. I’ve done everything I can from this perch at work – I pump and spend every minute with Cal when I’m at home. But there are some things you just can’t do when you’re not there. You can’t touch and see and hear and be with him when you are away. You try but you just can’t.
Things seemed just fine on Sunday, before there was this crack in our armor. Once the crack happened, the egg busted up and there it was – the yoke. It seems plain as day now that something needs to give. I pray that we’ll find the best situation for us, somehow discover that good spot for our family. In my wishing to stay home, I know even that wouldn’t solve everything. Even if paying the bills wasn’t an obstacle, staying home wouldn’t be perfect. But it would be not perfect with Cal.
Life is funny. Last night we found out that we may have to get rid of our nanny. She didn’t do anything egregious, she just overstepped the line by a small bit – but the outcome is the same no matter how far you cross the line. You might think that this is the worst thing that could happen. And it was for a second. But sometimes something better comes into sight through the clouds. Maybe my sister will watch him or maybe someone else who will work out better over the long run. The answer is out there some where.
Just a second ago I was sitting in the pumping room and balling my eyes out, reading Anne Lamott and wishing that I could just stay at home. I’ve done everything I can from this perch at work – I pump and spend every minute with Cal when I’m at home. But there are some things you just can’t do when you’re not there. You can’t touch and see and hear and be with him when you are away. You try but you just can’t.
Things seemed just fine on Sunday, before there was this crack in our armor. Once the crack happened, the egg busted up and there it was – the yoke. It seems plain as day now that something needs to give. I pray that we’ll find the best situation for us, somehow discover that good spot for our family. In my wishing to stay home, I know even that wouldn’t solve everything. Even if paying the bills wasn’t an obstacle, staying home wouldn’t be perfect. But it would be not perfect with Cal.
