I’m putting way too much thought into how Cal sleeps. True, our culture is obsessed with baby sleep (why?). *How well does he sleep?* – This is the question I field most often, not *How is your son doing?* As I mentioned a month back, Cal sleeps in our bed at night. I love this. But that’s after he’s been moved from the original place of rest, the bouncy chair. Also, he can’t fall asleep in the bed without nursing.
Our sleep situation doesn’t really need fixing. We get at least eight hours of sleep a night and I barely wake up to nurse when I’m called upon the three or so odd times. We all seem well rested.
And yet I’m still fumbling with the notion that Cal needs us or our bag of tricks to find sleep. Not that I really think he should have mastered it at this point, four months into his life on earth. But much to my dismay, three to six months is the typical window for “sleep training,” – a horrible sounding turn of events. Our doctor says, when we’re ready, to put him down in his bed and check on him every so often until he gets quiet. Dr. Cohen, in my latest library book find, advises parents to put babies to bed and come back at 7 a.m. They learn to self soothe after a few nights, he says. I’d be so guilt-ridden after one night that I’d catch his sleep aversion. I think we need another, gentler baby sleep book, which I’m working on.
Not only does Cal prefer his bouncy over all other bed surfaces (and don’t try to trick him, he knows what you’re up to), the run up to bed time gets him peeved. Cal is the sweetest bug until sleep comes knocking. Sometimes we can head this off if we start the whole rocking/soothing dance early enough. Other times, nothing seems to help. That was surely the case Saturday morning. I was at the end of my rope after trying to get him to nap after more than an hour, heaving out giant helpings of rocking, bouncing, cooing, and singing. Eventually, I just stuck him in the carrier and he dozed off that way.
Fortunately, that doesn’t happen often. Most of the time, Cal grumbles for five to ten minutes then slowly lets his lids drop like curtains over his almond eyes. But he still needs a little rocking to help him on his way – preferably bouncing on the exercise ball, his belly facing mine, and then some rocking in the bouncy.
My mom says that he’s just like me when I was a baby – a motion enthusiast. I now very much empathize with my dad who worked the trenches, walking the halls to soothe me. Cal got the same gene.
But where just a month ago I clung to the bouncy for dear life, I now see it as a crutch, especially because Cal has clearly outgrown it, as his feet remind me everyday by dangling over the side or bumping the control panel. So I have secret fears of needing a giant, custom-made bouncy for my big boy. 1-800-BIG-BOUNCY. I’m not alone here. I find solace in forums like this – it appears many babies have trouble descending into sleep alone in cribs or cosleepers. It’s actually a milestone that comes, like all milestones do, at its own pace.
Ggma says to assess my motives. What do I want and why do I want it? I want Cal to go to sleep without a fight. Why? Because it’d be a heck of a lot quieter and less stressful for me in the evening. And it makes me feel like a less-than-groovy mom – I know what Cal wants but I can’t give it to him, which is the hardest part of parenting so far. That’s also the selfish part of it. But I also just want Cal to always be happy. That’s the unrealistic part. Perhaps she’s right. Why do I want him to “sleep like a baby”? For me? For society? Or for him?
Sunday night we were all at his Nana’s and Grandpa’s house celebrating a birthday. Ladies were inside and men were on the patio. Cal had finally fallen to sleep first in my arms and then in his high chair on wheels where he likes to snooze as we roll him across bumpy tiles. Ggma had taken over rolling him and sat down. He woke quickly, feeling the change somehow between standing pushes and sitting down pushes. We all laughed at his sensitivity to movement.
Cal’s so full of life. He l-o-v-e-s sitting and standing and seeing. He dislikes being relegated to a boring bed that does not move. I can't really blame him here. I guess I should embrace his love of all things action and make amends with my silly side that sees sleep as forever just one step ahead of us. Cal always goes to sleep, even though it is an eventually and not a right now.
I do still want to impart the necessary tools of self soothing to my boy so he can be a happy sleeper someday. So back to the drawing table and finding a nighttime routine that’ll be kind to everyone (I'll let you know what works and what does not). Until we get there, I’ve found a little humor and some necessary quiet time for me goes a long way.
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