cal stacking and beyond

I’ve actually been working on another post, but it’ll have to wait. Cal slept on a bed last night. And by that I mean not on my chest.

This is a monumental change for me because it means I can sleep on my side now, which I’ve missed (happiness flooded my being when, following Cal’s birth, I could start sleeping on my back again; but now, after three months of nothing else, I’m ready to go back to the simple pleasure of alternating, upon wish, side and back).

At the beginning, Cal started to sleep stacked on top of me because Shaun and I were grasping for anything we could do (within means) to get a quarter night’s rest. This is not a foreign notion to new parents of any stripe. What I didn’t think of that first night was that our solution would become the status quo for the next three months – Cal with his back to my chest (I thought of us as night soldiers at attention), and his arms dropped to both sides like little wings.

This sleeping arrangement takes the family bed notion to the extreme. That’s why I alternated between loving our cuddly night routine (heck, we both slept like logs) and being scared I was somehow putting Cal at risk for SIDS (I took a little solace in the fact that its other name has the word crib in it) or for wanting to sleep that way until he would one day squash me like a bug. Every night I took precautions, bundling us together like a packaged deal – which meant wrapping a blanket snugly over his stomach and under my back so that he couldn’t move. You’d think my chest would make a poor substitute for soft bedding, but Cal didn’t seem to complain.

Many times, I tried moving Cal to his adorable and ingenious little cosleeper we had set up for him at the side of the bed, but after slipping him in fast asleep, he’d awaken almost instantly and start wailing. Needless to say, it was hard for me to even go pee at night.

The Cal stacking practice has been met with mixed reactions. On the rare occasion I’ve shared our routine, people either think its sweet (until, for some reason, they find out Cal sleeps on his back) or think the routine will create a family-bed monster who may never sleep on his own. Bed sharing seems natural to me, as long as it’s safe and OK with everyone involved. I’ve always liked sleeping next to someone or at least in the same room – so probably dido for a small person, who is much more vulnerable than I.

Anyway, after coming to terms with with bed sharing (at least for now), I started thinking of ways to try to get Cal to sleep right next to, and not on top of, me. As it turns out, he is quite alright with this proposition.

After a pilot on a futon on the ground, I decided to deploy the tack on our super large bed last night. I created an impenetrable bed railing with his cosleeper, which attaches to our bed, and cleared the pillows and blankets, and he slept right next to me all night long – probably six inches from my face, just close enough to kiss his head whenever I needed. And deep in my brain I know I won’t steamroll Cal just as I know I won’t somehow roll over the side of the bed, which is good. Plus, I’m a boring and stationary sleeper.

Anyway, it was a breeze to visit the bathroom and nice reprieve to be able to sleep on my side. And our sleep habits are no longer extreme. But I know someday Cal will transition to his own bed. For now, at least, we sleep like neighbors and not glued together like legos. Just give me a few weeks I'll be missing those simple and innocent days of Cal stacking.